Have you ever been told that you and your partner look like each other, as if you were related? While there is a small chance you guys could be long-lost siblings separated at birth, you probably just resemble each other. Most of us at one point in time have been amazed by the resemblance between a couple. The phenomenon has gained so much attention that there’s even an Instagram page called @siblingsordating that let people guess whether two people are dating or if they’re actually siblings.
So, what on earth is going on here? Do we morph into our partners as time goes by? Or do we just naturally choose to date people that look like us?
In a study conducted by psychologist Robert Zajonc in 1987, they examined photographs of white, heterosexual newlywed couples and then the same couples 25 years later. They discovered that the couples’ appearances had become increasingly similar over time. The main explanation for this is empathetic mimicry, which suggests that the couples’ shared experiences left identical wrinkles and expressions on their faces, causing them to look more similar.
In the same study, Zajonc proposed another explanation based on the principle that we imitate the people we spend the most time with. We automatically adopt our partner’s voice intonation, manner of speech, and even posture. It’s something that we do that helps us feel part of a group, so Zajonc thought it means that we mimic a spouse over a long period of time, which would gradually reshape the face.
Another possibility is that people favour those that resemble them due to the familiarity effect, or the tendency to prefer familiar stimuli. In a 2013 study, participants were shown altered photographs of their partner’s face that included elements from either a random face or their own face. The findings revealed that both male and female participants consistently ranked photographs with their own faces as more attractive. Whether it’s education level, height, age, or even your face, we seem to actively try to date people that are similar to us in some way, whether it’s education level, age, height or face structure.
There are also other creepy theories like that one Sigmund Freud theory. He suggests that we subconsciously seek out mates who remind us of parental figures. One study actually tried to find evidence to support this theory by flashing a picture of participants’ opposite-sex parents quickly across the screen before showing them a face and asking them to rate the attractiveness. They found that participants gave positive ratings to the images when they saw the picture of their parent first.
Overall, physical and behavioral resemblance appears to correspond with a happy marriage, although it’s unclear whether this is a cause or an effect. It is still unknown why we are drawn to those that look like us. But who cares if you have a similar appearance? That means you complement each other well and look damn good together, and isn’t that what matters most?
