There seems to be a breaking story, every other day, about a famous celeb getting caught cheating, or found to have previously cheated on, their partner. Whether it be so-called “wife guys” cheating on their long-term spouses (i.e. John Mulaney and Adam Levine) or rumoured forbidden romances sparking on film sets (i.e. Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell getting suspiciously close while shooting the 2023 film Anyone But You), cheating seems to have become a common occurrence among married couples. According to research, about 15-20% of married couples cheat, and the rate of cheating increases with age for both married men and women.
In most cases, cheating on a partner will end a relationship. The worst thing about cheating is the breach of trust, which is essential for any relationship. More often than not, cheating doesn’t just end after one fling, and it can present itself in different forms such as physical and emotional cheating. Which begs the question: Why do people cheat?
Low Self-Esteem
While it’s easy to go the “you don’t give me enough attention” route to explain their behaviour, it goes deeper than that. It all boils down to low self-esteem. Many people turn to cheating to boost their own self-esteem, as having sex with someone else may be a way for them to prove that they still “have it”. Receiving validation and admiration from someone new can seem different and exciting, and it may seem more genuine to someone who has low self-esteem, as they may assume that the new person has no obligation to lie or exaggerate.
Commitment Issues
Commitment doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone, and it isn’t uncommon that two people in a relationship have very different ideas about the relationship’s status (casual, open, exclusive… etc.) So it’s possible for one person to misunderstand the situation of the relationship due to a lack of communication. However, it’s also very much possible to be afraid of committing to someone despite your strong feelings for them. Even if you would prefer staying in the relationship with them, your fear of commitment could still lead to infidelity.
Commitment issues can stem from many things – they could be attachment issues (most often, people with avoidant attachment styles), self sabotage, refusal to work on key issues, or feeling like you’re not with the right partner.
Lack Of Sexual Connection
It’s easy to get lazy about sex once you’ve been with a person for a long time. You already know the ins and outs of each other, so you start to get complacent about your intimate life. You stick to the same routine, same moves, of course it can get a bit boring from time to time. This is when one or both partners’ need for intimacy goes unmet. While many may choose to stay in the relationship, hoping things would improve, these unmet sexual needs could lead to frustration, leading them to seek someone outside of the relationship to fulfill their needs. This can occur when partners have different sex drives or when both partners spend too much time apart.
Falling Out Of Love
Of all the reasons for cheating, this one hurts the most (yet is the most common). As heartbreaking as it sounds, some relationships have expiration dates. More often than not, many relationships fail due to a lack of emotional connection. Studies show that only 7% of cheating women and 8% of cheating men cheated due to sexual dissatisfaction alone. The vast majority cheated either because of a lack of emotional connection in the relationship or a combination of emotional and sexual connection. For some, cheating is easier than admitting to yourself that your relationship really is over.
Out Of Anger/Revenge
Some people cheat because they’ve fallen out of love, some do it to boost their own ego, while some do it out of anger. For some, cheating is seen as a way to punish a partner or to enact revenge. Maybe you just discovered your partner cheated on you, and you want them to go through the same thing, so they could understand the pain they caused you. It can also be due to frustration towards your partner when they don’t understand you or your needs, being absent in the relationship, or unresolved arguments. Regardless of the cause, anger is a powerful motivator for someone to commit infidelity.
Situational Factors
When an opportunity presents itself, whether it’s travelling for work or going out drinking with friends, the chance for infidelity is more likely to occur. Let’s say, your relationship has been a bit turbulent lately, and you’re dealing with some low self-esteem issues surrounding your appearance. Then, a co-worker starts to take note of your appearance, giving you the validation you’ve been wanting, they may even present you with an opportunity to “get together”. While some may not choose to cheat when these factors are involved, they are motivating factors that may push someone to cheat on their spouse.
