Whether we like it or not, friendships come and go. Losing a friend can be just as heartbreaking as a break up. Most of us have probably lost touch with a close friend or severed ties with others due to a misunderstanding or someone crossing a line.
The truth is that not all friendships are good and healthy, and it’s easy to ignore red flags in a friendship because they’re the ones we trust and love. Who wants to believe that their friends are toxic? While it can be difficult to part ways with some people, it is important to examine our friendships and recognize when someone is not treating the relationship with respect and integrity. Here are 6 red flags in friendships that you shouldn’t ignore:
They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries
“Boundaries” seems to be a very popular term these days, but what does it look like in friendships? And how do you know when someone is disrespecting yours? To give an example, you have a friend who loves to look through your phone whenever you’re hanging out. Despite the many times you’ve told them that you don’t like it, they don’t stop, a.k.a, not respecting the boundaries you had set up. And if they continue to do the same thing, despite you clearly stating what you’re not comfortable with, it’s time to cut them off. That’s why it’s so important to establish boundaries early on in the friendship, and be open and honest about who you are so that you can connect in a healthy way.
They Never Reach Out To You
If you’re the only one that’s asking to hang out, and they respond as if they’re doing you a favor, leave. Say you have a friend who would rarely respond to your texts, not to mention in your friends groupchat. And whenever they do respond, it’s never a solid answer, or they would respond with a “I guess we can meet up on Friday, but I have to leave early. And I might be late too.” Sound familiar? It can be draining to force yourself to maintain a friendship. More often than not, people stay in friendships that they’ve outgrown due to a sense of obligation, or in other words, for ol’ times’ sake, when in reality, the friendship only feels forced, which can leave you feeling empty and exhausted rather than energized after spending time with them.
They Don’t Respect Your Time
We all have that one friend who’s never on time, not to mention the ones who blow you off at the last minute without any explanation. And no, we’re not talking about the occasional change of plans because their car broke down, or that they got food poisoning. We’re talking about the friend who’s almost never on time, never apologizes for being late, and for the life of them can NEVER confirm plans or just keep cancelling on you. They don’t deserve your time or energy, so just ditch them.
They’re Only Your Friend When It’s Convenient
If they suddenly hit you up after months of non-communication, and they just so happen to be in your city and they need a place to crash, they might be using you! The most telling sign that someone uses you as a friend of convenience is that they ALWAYS need something from you. It can be actual help like asking you to lend them money, and favors, or emotional support and personal advice (that they never seem to take). While it’s natural to lean on your friends for help and advice, it’s not normal if they only show up in times of need. Most importantly, will they be around when you’re the one who needs help? You don’t need them in your life, since they’re only ever around when they need something from you.
They Can’t Apologize
It’s normal for friends to have conflicts from time to time, whether it’s one of those silly arguments, or perhaps something more serious, like you accidentally revealed something private about your friend that they weren’t cool with. It’s okay to mess up, and it’s bound to happen in even the healthiest of friendships. However, if your friend has wronged you, but is unable to apologize sincerely, or not willing to own up to their mistakes, it’s going to be hard to trust them and depend on them down the line. And even when they do apologize, it’s always along the lines of “I’m sorry that you’re offended, but…” That’s not a genuine apology, that’s just them finding excuses to justify their behaviour.
They Only Talk About Themselves
Do you have a friend who would go on and on about their life, but never asks about yours? And when you’re finally able to get a word in, they would interrupt you, and somehow make the conversation about them instead! In some unhealthy friendship dynamics, it may seem like they’re always the center of attention, and you were merely a supportive character on the sidelines. While your friend constantly cutting you off in conversation could be a sign of poor communication, you should keep in mind that a true friend would be interested in your life and would want to hear about all your successes and struggles, even if it’s as “boring” or “mundane” as telling them about your day at work. So if you find a friend of yours displaying this type of behaviour, try communicating to them and telling them how you feel, and if they’re not receptive to it, at least you’ll know exactly what kind of friend really they are.
