Before we get into this topic, let’s get one thing straight: If you want to sleep with someone on the first date, and the both of you are consenting adults, you have every right to do so. But is it really a good idea? Ask anybody and they’ll tell you the reason why you shouldn’t have sex on the first date is that the other person would think things are moving too fast, or lose interest and then suddenly ghost you. Yes, unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for people to ditch after doing it. But, this doesn’t automatically mean that waiting for things to become stable before having sex will magically lead you to a happy relationship.
In a survey conducted by OkCupid, 46% of their users said that they’d consider sleeping with someone on the first date, as opposed to 40% who said they wouldn’t. It seems that more people are okay with first-date sex, but that’s also influenced by the fact that people nowadays have access to their potential partner’s profile on dating apps. You may not really know someone on the first date, but chances are you probably stalked their social media and have some basic knowledge of them, like how they look like, they’re hobbies, and how they communicate – which can all serve to establish attraction before you even meet them in person.
However, the question remains: To smash or not to smash? To help you make your decision, here are some reasons why you should/shouldn’t hook up on the first date:
Why You SHOULD Hook Up On The First Date
There have always been some “rules” surrounding sex and dating, like, if you hook up on the first date, it means you’re easy; or that you should wait until the 3rd or 4th date to have sex. Whether or not you still believe in these rules, one thing is for sure: You should only ever do what feels good to you.
Having sex on the first date can be liberating and exciting. It can even improve your sexual self-esteem. Sex is undeniably important for some couples in a relationship, and having sex on the first date can let you test your sexual chemistry and compatibility. It’s also a good way to figure out the other person’s intentions early on since you can determine if they’re only in it for the sex or if they’re there for the long run. If they suddenly ghost you or become emotionally distant, they probably didn’t have a real interest in you anyway. And it wasn’t because you put out on the first date and they think you’re easy – they just weren’t in it for the long haul. Better rip the band-aid off early on!
And before you start worrying about the repercussions, just know that sleeping with your date isn’t going to make or break the relationship. And wouldn’t you rather live in the moment, and let things flow naturally? What will happen, will happen, and you just gotta be okay with that if you chose to hook up on the first date.
Why You SHOULDN’T Have Sex On The First Date
If you’re a person who falls in love easily or gets emotionally attached pretty quickly, having sex on the first date could be a bad idea. Look, whether or not you’d like to admit it, it’s not just the girls who get emotionally attached, guys get attached too. Sex clouds judgement, and it makes you more emotionally involved with the other person. Many people have difficulty maintaining enough objectivity to keep a level head when beginning a new relationship, especially once sex has entered the picture.
What usually ends up happening is that when the physical aspects of your relationship start to fade, both of you realise that you don’t really have anything in common after all. Plus, it’s one thing when both partners are looking to have fun, hook up, and not get into anything too serious yet. However, if one of you is looking for something serious and one is not, it can turn into a painful situation for both parties.
Things can get pretty awkward when you first have sex with somebody. Yes, no matter how attracted you are to your date, the sex might still not be great, since you don’t know what each other likes in bed. To quote drag queen Trixie Mattel, “Hot people, it doesn’t mean they’re good in bed, and ugly people, doesn’t mean they deserve to live.” Okay, maybe not the second half. This could lead to you or your partner losing interest just because the sex wasn’t that great the first time around, when all you really needed was just a little more practice with each other.
We go on dates because we want to feel connected to someone, or we see a potential that it could turn into something more. And building a solid emotional connection first is crucial for any relationship. While you don’t need emotional intimacy to have sexual connection, studies have shown that emotional intimacy actually gives you better sex. Sleeping with each other on the first date is like going straight for dessert before dinner, you’re missing out on the delicious main course! And wouldn’t you rather have 10/10 sex every time with the same person, rather than, at most, a 6/10 for one time? Let it simmer, and build up the sexual tension, so you can go crazy on each other when the time is right.
So, To Smash Or Not To Smash?
It really depends. If it feels right, and you’re physically and emotionally prepared for it, why not? Just make sure to always communicate what each of you wants out of this, and be honest with your date and most importantly, with yourself. And don’t ever let your date, or societal norms pressure you into doing something you don’t want. If it doesn’t feel right, there’s no harm in waiting a bit longer. After all, waiting can also be great foreplay.