Relationships are complex. Not just romance, but friendships or familial relationships. They all have their own ups and downs, and it’s not easy to navigate them. There’s always the chance of someone else hurting you. Worse still, you might hurt someone else by saying something you don’t mean. Situations like these can be relationship-ending, especially when both parties are too stubborn to communicate with each other and apologise.
However, many people don’t apologise, even if they’ve hurt their friends. It could be due to pride, but often, it’s simply because they don’t know how to apologise. After all, communication is no easy task. So if you or someone you know wants to apologise, here are a few simple steps that could help.
1. Acknowledge Your Mistake
Ever been annoyed when someone doesn’t own up to their mistakes? Well, it can be the same way for other people. If you hurt someone, and refuse to see what you did wrong, it’ll cause more fights between you two. This could cause you to lose that person entirely. Not acknowledging your mistakes only pushes people away.
So the first step in making your apology is to acknowledge what you did wrong. This will help the other person to see that you’re being sincere, and they’ll be open to accepting your apology.
2. Give Explanations, Not Excuses
Now, when we hurt people, they’ll often be looking for why you hurt them in the first place. The desire for closure is natural, and they’ll want to know where the relationship went wrong. So you need to provide them with an explanation.
Be careful though, explaining can easily turn into excusing your own actions. Excuses mean you blame your actions on others, which undoes the first step of acknowledging your mistakes. Remember, take accountability for your own actions. Simply explain to them your reasoning, so that they can understand where you are coming from.
3. Be Willing to Make A Change
What’s the point in apologising, if you’re going to make the same mistake again? You need to be willing to improve yourself so that you can avoid hurting other people. Especially if you have a tendency to say harsh things in the heat of the moment.
Show that you’re really sorry, by taking steps to make sure you don’t hurt your friend again. As they say, action speaks louder than words, so show demonstrate your sincerity through your actions. After all, it’s nice to see someone who’s willing to put in effort for you.
4. Apologise
The final step is to actually apologise. All the previous steps would be pointless if there’s no actual apology coming from you. Clear and simple, you should say sorry to whoever you hurt. Make sure you really mean it, otherwise you might as well just not apologise.
From here, the ball is in your friend’s court. It’s up to them to decide whether to accept or reject your apology. Just know that you did your best, and gave an apology from your heart.
Sources: Harvard Medical School, Eugene Therapy, Greater Good Science Center.
Janae Lee contributed to this article.
