I’ve got a bone to pick with my TikTok algorithm. Every time I open the app, it’s like a personal reminder from the universe that I’m single. I’m bombarded with relationship content I never asked for – “Manifest your dream partner,” “If your man doesn’t peel your orange, he doesn’t love you,” tarot card readers predicting my ex’s return, and dating coaches dishing out rules for the “talking stage” like it’s the Geneva Convention.
If you’re single and in your 20s, you probably know how exhausting the dating scene and all the relationship chatter can be. I can always guarantee that when I do decide to talk about being single or express any frustrations with dating, someone’s ready to hit me with the classic, “just focus on yourself.” I’ll admit, constantly hearing “focus on yourself” always irritated me because that’s never been the challenge.
However, during my annual birthday crisis/epiphany last year, I decided to redefine “focusing on myself” and take it to a whole new level – I’m talking PhD levels of deep.
First off, let’s debunk a myth: focusing on yourself doesn’t mean you stop wanting a relationship. It’s not about turning into a hermit or pretending you don’t have feelings. We all crave mutual connection; it’s about finding balance. Focusing on yourself can mean anything from healing old wounds to boosting your self-confidence. I’ve always been introspective, but I realised there’s always more to uncover about myself – like peeling an onion, and sometimes it does indeed make you cry.
For me, this self-focused era involves:
- Prioritising my career, health, finances, and new experiences
- Spending quality time with family and friends
I’ve always been an overachiever; ticking off life’s milestones like a to-do list. Study hard, maintain a good CGPA, snag internships, build a stellar resume, land the dream job, and climb the career ladder. Simple, right?
But relationships? They’re a different beast entirely – more like a game of Tetris where you’re constantly trying to work through one emotional pile-up after another. Sure, I can increase my chances of meeting someone by going out and being social, but there’s no guarantee I’ll find “the one”. What I can guarantee is that embracing my single years, respecting my feelings, and striving to be my best self is a win-win. I refuse to look back on my 20s and reminisce a time wasted pining for a type of love that doesn’t exist instead of exploring life’s possibilities.
It’s easy to feel the pressure of running out of time. Society, media, and peer pressure all create this imaginary timeline for hitting life’s milestones. When I catch myself playing the comparison game, I remind myself that everyone’s path is unique. Some marry their high school sweethearts, some settle down in their 20s, some marry multiple times, some never marry, and some find love later in life. Life is unpredictable, and that’s okay. Embracing this has helped me avoid settling for less and strengthened my resolve to wait for the right person. I’d rather be single and happy than rush into a relationship that doesn’t value me.
Now, here’s a reality check: focusing on yourself doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love or can’t find it. There’s no ideal “self-love level” you reach to win a relationship. Relationships aren’t a cure-all for life’s problems. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, challenges will arise. There’s no universal script. You might meet someone who challenges you to grow, and that’s an opportunity to evolve together. Being your best self doesn’t mean being alone forever.
Prioritising my alone time has given me a clarity I’m grateful for. And guess what? My journey has just begun. If you’re struggling to embrace your single years, remember that there are countless ways to make this time enjoyable. Love isn’t scarce – it’s abundant. Show love to your family, friends, neighbours, and yourself. Reconnect with old hobbies, try new ones, learn new skills, buy yourself flowers, or redecorate your space. You are the love of your life, and you don’t need to wait for someone else to treat you the way you deserve. Knowing your worth means you won’t settle for just anyone.
So here’s to embracing the chaos, dancing through the unpredictability, and loving ourselves fiercely. We’ve got this, one “what’s your favourite colour?” at a time.
