We’re calling out “some” Asian people (especially parents) in this article – but don’t come at us!
Young or old, as Asians, we always have lots to learn. We all know that parents love their children, but we can’t help but observe that Asian and non-Asian parents have different ideas about what love is. ‘Overprotective’ is the word we think best describes this situation. Why do Asian parents tend to overprotect their children? A common issue in Asian households is overprotection. Parents constantly put pressure on their children in the name of love. Whether or not we were raised in an Asian home, most of us can relate to this and recognize the impact it has on our mental health.
Toxic Relatives
Let’s start with something closer to home, shall we? If there is one thing that irritates us the most, it’s nosy family members.
Your family has the most knowledge about you because they have known you the longest; they can judge your life based on the large amount of personal failures you have experienced. The best practice, however, is to keep extended family members out of what happens in your nuclear family (as in you, your parents and siblings only). But sometimes, nosy relatives would approach us and claim to know information about us that we haven’t even shared with them. The worst thing is that some of these relatives would even provide you with unasked-for free counselling sessions!
We get it that family means everything and blood is always thicker than water. But seriously, it’s not like they have the right to interfere in your life, right?
Trust Issues
Your family is more likely to believe your neighbor’s uncle’s child, or even the mailman, but never you. We comprehend. Children, especially those raised in Asian families, occasionally tell lies to get by. We admit to this. However, the key thing is that we don’t intentionally lie. Because there is no trust, most of us lie, and the result is always a dramatic one. First of all, some of us are of an age where we can make certain decisions; parents should now just let their children go out into the world. Overprotectiveness will not prepare a youngster for adulthood. What if they have to do it alone one day but are unable to?
Personally, we believe that all kids (especially Asian ones), expect their parents to be there for them in every way. We acknowledge that parents are protecting us as best they can, but they really need to work on developing trust with their children. Parents should reassure their children that they will always be there for them if things don’t work out.
Criticism
Every time we think of criticism, it sends chills down our spines.
Asians have a propensity to judge almost everyone they come into contact with, including you. Like, nothing you do is ever sufficient, and their blunt criticism strikes you like a punch in the gut. I’m confident that the majority of us have endured criticism for our appearance, academic performance, careers, and other things. When you start a new job, instead of congratulating you, they would question your qualifications. Or, if you introduced your partner, they would judge your taste. Even when you achieve something, they think you did some black magic or something to buy your way to success. These are genuinely humiliating things that will make you feel sick to your stomach. How would they react if someone were to speak to them in that manner?
Education
Asians tend to think your a complete failure if you don’t become a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. BULLSHIT!
If you’re Asian, you probably already know that your community believes that every child has the same potential intellectually (which we think is straight up nonsense!). They therefore presume that every child has the same level of intellectual capacity. And as a result, Asian parents don’t take into account things like linguistic proficiency, logical reasoning, aesthetic appreciation, spatial intelligence, artistic intelligence, inter-personal intelligence, and intrapersonal intelligence.
Even some members of our own family believe that intelligent children naturally pursue careers in science, average children pursue careers in business, and less gifted children pursue careers in sports or the arts. But that wouldn’t be the deciding factor in someone’s success. Instead of being forced to follow what their parents believe is best for them, we believe that children should have the opportunity to seek a career that interests them, because only you have a true understanding of who you are.
And parents (even aunties and uncles), need to realize that not all children are intelligent in the same ways. While some children are built for sports, others are built for science. You must ascertain what is in their best interests or what they are skilled at, and assist in developing it. They will only detest what they do if you force them to, or worse, they will despise you!
Emotional Blackmail
“I gave you so much, can’t you do just this one thing for me”? – Get us off of this, please!
Seriously, what is it about Asian adults and extortion? You’ve got to stop falling into this trap. A parent has a DUTY to meet their child’s needs, including those for food, clothes, and education. It is awful, though, if they are so toxi as to want you to continually change and adapt in order to be the ideal daughter or son.
It’s great that our parents invest the time and money in our education, but that doesn’t give them the right to control every aspect of our lives. And by everything, we also include marriage. We understand that they just want the best for their children. But still, why compel them to wed someone in a higher-paying profession? Children should be encouraged to develop a sense of individualism as they grow up and learn more about the outside world. Avoid trying to convince them that reputation is everything when it isn’t. As parents, don’t threaten children into doing things your way if they’ve made the decision to try something reasonable.
Sexism
How long should girls anticipate a luxurious wedding as their only option for a successful life, rather than having the flexibility to start a company and find a loving partner later? How much longer are boys expected to take on all the responsibilities? There are still families with this mentality, despite the fact that contemporary Asian families have resolved the problem. Girls generally face harsher judgement for every decision they make than boys do. We’d be glad to provide you with a list:
- Education wise, girls should strive for grades of at least 90% in school. Anything less than that is failure. For males, a pass or an average score is sufficient, so they have it easy.
- Females are “meant” to work at desk jobs, but males have more career possibilities.
- Body shaming occurs frequently. They advise you on your ideal weight, facial shape, or level of body fat. This isn’t really a problem for men.
Mental Health
Trust us when we say this: There is no such thing as stress, depression, or any other mental health issue in Asian communities. When you tell your parents or other family members that you are having mental health problems, they will immediately dismiss you and say things like, “Ya lah, always on the phone” or “haiyaaa… just sleep it off lah.” Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
The fact that they can be completely ignorant about it when they’re supposed to help you stand up again is what we detest the most. Parents or elders, please don’t push your children away if they ever talk to you about being stressed out or depressed. Instead, engage with them and lend a hand. Neglecting them will only result in worst-case consequences.
No Sex Education
“Sex” is literally the F word in Asian communities. The minute you talk or even say the word “sex”, they give you a stare that’s equivalent to ten slaps.
Asian adults don’t even talk about or try to teach the younger generation about sex. This is just another element fueling the increase in sex crimes. It’s crucial to instill respect for women in males. It is important to educate daughters and teach them the difference between suitable and inappropriate touch. Kids will eventually realize that sex is not harmful at some point. Therefore, why not take the initiative to teach your children a little bit rather than ignoring the subject? Instead of schools, in our opinion, parents are the best individuals to explain sex to children. After all, you’re not teaching kids sex positions; rather, you’re keeping them aware at all times.
They Care More About What Others Think
Like it or not, it appears that they are more concerned with what other people think than with how you feel. Sadly, a lot of Asian parents worry way too much about what their friends, family, or even the cashier will think. They’d rather make things up than reveal the truth. Some parents will go to great measures to make sure that their child succeeds so they may boast about them to their friends, even if it results in the child becoming ungrateful or going through burnout from stress. In actuality, though, it’s us kids who hear all the criticism at home.
