This is a spoiler-filled article.

Also, you can click here to check out my “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” review.
And here for my “The Last Jedi” in-depth ANALYSIS.

The teaser trailer for “Solo: A Star Wars Story” just dropped a few hours ago and I figured this would be the perfect opportunity excuse for me to write another “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” related article. This would be the last one, I swear. May you be struck by lightning if this turns out to be a lie.

It’s been many months, and people are still tweeting at Rian Johnson about the various so-called ‘plot holes’ and how he’s a disgrace to the Star Wars fandom. It would be perfectly fine if these criticisms are valid and or subjective. It’s not wrong to say you dislike the entirety of Canto Bight because it’s boring and bogs the movie down. I would disagree with your opinion, but I would understand where you’re coming from. If you say you loathe the comedy in the film, once again, I would understand where you’re coming from.

ADVERTISEMENT

But if you say shit like, Luke wouldn’t have abandoned the world to drink titty milk on an island, then boy are you so wrong. Let’s discuss.

Here are 5 reasons why you hate Star Wars: The Last Jedi and why you’re absolutely wrong.

Luke Skywalker would not have abandoned the world to drink titty milk on an island.

It’s blasphemous! Unheard of! It’s not the Jedi way!

Really? Did everybody suddenly forget everything that happened in the original trilogy? When we first meet Obi-Wan Kenobi, he’s living in a cave. Sure, I guess an argument could be made that he didn’t abandon the world, but rather, was just watching over young Luke Skywalker from a distance. We’ve come to learn that from Star Wars Rebels.

But what about Yoda, who’s widely regarded as one of the best Jedi Masters ever? Where is Yoda when we’re first introduced to him? Battling alongside Leia against Vader and the Emperor? No, that doesn’t sound right. Was he building an army, plotting to take down the Galactic Empire? Hmm, that doesn’t sound accurate either.

That’s right, I remember now. The lil green mofo was hiding on an island. And judging by his mannerisms, he was probably shoving cocaine up his bumhole 24/7. Through the prequels, we learn that Yoda ran into hiding after losing a duel to Palpatine.

ADVERTISEMENT

So, why is it so unbelievable that Luke ran away, too? Luke Skywalker sensed darkness in his own nephew whom he trained. What would people think of the GREAT Luke Skywalker? In that moment, he lost control and decided to kill Kylo Ren. It was just a fleeting moment. We all know what happened next.

Luke didn’t give up and run away just because. This is a man, defeated, broken, and possibly suffering from depression, ostracizing himself. If you think it’s logical for Yoda to run away after a duel with Palpatine, then Luke running away is just as logical, perhaps even more so.

Rian Johnson made Luke a loser because he didn’t show up in PERSON to kick ass!

It’s important for people to take a step back and know the difference between what’s ‘cool’ and what’s ‘good storytelling.’ Walking into “The Last Jedi”, I wanted to see Luke kick ass too. I dreamt of him wielding his green laser sword, going apeshit on Kylo Ren and possibly even Snoke. It would have been glorious. Alas, none of that happened.

But thinking about it, what actually transpired is even better, from a character and storytelling perspective. The Jedi religion has always been about peace and taking a nonviolent approach unless necessary. One of Yoda’s key teachings to Luke on Dagobah is, “A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.”

People criticize Rian Johnson for ruining Luke Skywalker by turning him into a lousy Jedi. But what could be MORE Jedi than giving hope to the resistance, and saving the people you care about, not just without a single hint of violence but heck, without even showing to the fight?

Force projection is not canon. Rian Johnson is not a Star Wars fan!!!!!

About a week ago, Rian Johnson proved all the haters wrong with a string of tweets:

The man is clearly someone who lives and breathes Star Wars. So stop being dipshits and calling him a non-fan on Twitter.

But let’s assume that the whole concept of force projection or ‘doppleganger’ didn’t exist in the previously established Star Wars lore. Would that make Rian Johnson wrong for creating that in “The Last Jedi”?

No.

Here’s a fun fact, the peeps at Lucasfilm can do whatever they God damn please and it becomes canon. And that isn’t wrong. As we get more and more sequels and spinoffs, don’t we want the lore to expand? Isn’t that the beauty and magic of the fantasy genre?

In the Harry Potter-verse, we only learn that Thestrals are pulling the carriages from Hogsmeade Station to Hogwarts in the 5th book/movie. Prior to that, we assumed that the carriages were moving by themselves. Does that mean that it’s wrong for J.K. Rowling to add to the lore and create Thestrals?

Even within the Star Wars universe, we’ve always learned new things as these stories went along. During the climactic battle between Luke, the Emperor, and Darth Vader, the Emperor shoots lightning out of his fingers. Out of nowhere! What the actual f**k? Prior to that moment, there was no mention of force users also possessing lightning powers. Does that mean that George Lucas isn’t a Star Wars fan, either?

C’mon guys! Get your heads out of your asses. Expanding the mythology is a good thing. It only becomes a problem if new things CONTRADICT the established canon. Like if a lightsaber is able to cut through a piece of wood in one movie but unable to, in another movie. Or,  if Yoda is green with a 9-inch penis in one movie but appears pink with a 4-inch penis in another.

How can Rian Johnson kill Snoke without telling us WHO he is??

Would I have liked to know more about Snoke? Sure. Is it necessary to include Snoke’s backstory in the movie? Not really.

Again, I can’t help but wonder if the people who are complaining about this, also complain(ed) about the Emperor. In the original trilogy, we didn’t know jack shit about the Emperor except the fact that he’s an evil old ruler who desperately needs a bottle of baby lotion for Christmas. We only discovered who the Emperor is in the prequels.

Both the Emperor and Snoke don’t need backstories because they’re more of ‘SYMBOLS’ of pure evil than fully realised characters. The primary villain in the original trilogy is Vader and in this new trilogy, it’s Kylo Ren. The question is: Would they destroy the symbol of pure darkness for the purpose of good, or would they destroy it for selfish desires? Darth Vader killed the Emperor to save his son. His grandson Kylo, killed Snoke to take his place. Isn’t that sweet poetry?

Holdo should have just told Poe her plans.

Now, this is an interesting argument.

One of the more interesting subplots of “The Last Jedi” is Poe’s transformation from egoistic hotshot flyboy to level-headed leader. In the second act of the movie, Vice Admiral Holdo takes over leadership from the hospitalized General Leia. Poe immediately approaches Holdo and demands to know all her plans. Holdo doesn’t divulge anything and Poe devises a strategy with Finn and the new character, Rose, to infiltrate Snoke’s ship and deactivate their tracking device. This brings us to one of the more shocking moments of the film.

Finn and Rose get caught by the First Order officers and Poe’s balls shrivel up. And then, the now conscious Leia shoots Poe with a stun blaster. DJ, who was helping Finn and Rose to infiltrate Snoke’s ship, betrays them and sells information to the First Order. This leads to many of the Resistance members dying as they were escaping to the mineral planet, Crait.

Many argue that had Holdo just disclosed her plans to Poe from the get-go, none of this would have happened. Fair enough. The question is, why on earth would she disclose her plans to a demoted pilot? It simply does not make sense from a military perspective.

Besides, upon realizing what the plans are, Poe immediately discloses the plans to his buddy Finn, who we must do well to remember, only defected from the First Order not too long ago, and Rose a girl he JUST met. From a personal perspective, we may side with Poe and say, “Of course he should tell Finn! It’s FINN! The dude that took on Kylo Ren.” But within the Star Wars universe, Finn is just a small cog on a giant wheel.

Hey you! Yes you, hot stuff. Like my article? Leave a comment below and let me know what you think. Also, don’t forget to share it with your buds.

And if you’d like to talk to me (or send me hate messages), you can follow me on Twitter here: @dedpewlsays

Previous articleAdventure Seekers, Red Bull Wants To Send You To Europe For A Challenge!
Next articleFrom KL To PyeongChang: Julian Yee All Pumped Up For Winter Olympics Debut
He spends half of his time convincing anyone who would listen to watch Star Wars, and the other half trying to figure out why people consider White Chicks and Ouija to be good films.