Many of us are still trying to process the tragic death of SHINee’s lead vocalist, Jonghyun (종현).
As the K-pop fans mourn the passing of their favourite idol, more details have been unveiled about his last days before committing suicide. We’ve decided to compile a list of things that took place before the 27-year-old lead singer ended his life yesterday (Monday, 18th December).
1. Jonghyun’s last Instagram post may have been a cry for help.
Posted on 20th November, Jonghyun shared a screenshot of the lyrics from “Beside You” by the group Dear Cloud. According to Koreaboo, the translated lyrics read: “I had a thought while curling up in a dark room alone/ When you might regret letting go of everyone. Have the sighs and the restless wounds stopped by now/ I pray only that you aren’t hurting/ I hope only that you will be happy/ Please don’t try to be alone in the darkness/ Don’t torture yourself/ Don’t torture you.”
Listen:
Since his passing, the aforementioned Instagram post has been flooded with fans leaving heartfelt messages for the deceased singer. As at time of writing, the post has 228,716 comments.
2. He reportedly left a suicide note to his sister
Jonghyun said goodbye to his sister on the day he passed away. The alleged message reads, “It’s been really hard up until now. Send me off please. Tell me I lived well. This is my last greeting“.
3. Jonghyun also send a farewell letter to his bestie, Nine9 (from Dear Cloud)
According to Dear Cloud’s agency, the SHINee singer gave Nine the letter a few days before his solo concert. Despite the intervention, it wasn’t enough to stop Jonghyun from taking his life.
As per Soompi, the lengthy translated letter reads:
“I’m broken on the inside. The depression that slowly gnawed away at me eventually devoured me. I couldn’t overcome it. I hated myself. I resolved to hold on to memories and shouted at myself to come to my senses, but there was no answer.
If there is no way to relieve stifling breath, it’s better to just stop. I asked who can be responsible for me. It’s only you. I was utterly alone.
It’s easy to say you’re going to end things. It’s hard to actually end things. I lived with that difficulty this whole time. You told me that I wanted to escape. That’s right. I wanted to escape. From me. From you.
You asked why I live. Just because. Just because. Everyone just lives just because. If you ask why people die, they would probably say it’s because they’re exhausted. I suffered and agonised about it. I never learned how to turn this pain into happiness. Pain is just pain. I tried to push myself past it.
Why? Why am I keeping myself from putting an end to it all? I was told to search for the reason why it hurts. I know all too well. I’m hurting because of me. It’s all my fault, because I was born this way.
Doctor, is this what you wanted to hear? No. I didn’t do anything wrong. When you told me in that calm voice that it’s because of my personality, I thought how easy it must be to be a doctor. It’s almost fascinating, that it hurts this much. People that have it harder than me seem to get along just fine. People weaker than me get along just fine. But that must not be true. Among the people in this world, no one has it harder than me, and no one is weaker than me. But I still tried to live.
“I asked myself why I had to do so hundreds of times, and it was never for me. It was for you. I wanted to do something for me. Please stop telling me things you don’t understand. You tell me to figure out why I’m having a hard time. I told you several times why. Am I not allowed to be this sad just for those reasons? Does it have to be more specific and dramatic? Do I need to have better reasons?
I already told you. Were you even listening? Things you can overcome don’t remain as scars. I guess I was not meant to confront the world. I guess I was not meant to lead a life in the public eye. That’s why it was hard. Confronting the world, and being in the public eye. Why did I make those decisions. It’s ridiculous. It’s great that I even made it this far.
What more can I say. Just tell me I did well.”
4. He had recently filmed his music video for an upcoming single
SM Entertainment confirmed that Jonghyun had been working on some new music. “He was a preparing a new solo track,” one of his friends claimed. An industry insider added, “The new song had a bright feeling. He seemed like his usual self at the music video set. I never knew he was suffering that much.”
It remains unclear if his agency or family will give the green light to release the unreleased material.
5. Besides his successful solo concert, Jonghyun also recently filmed an episode for a popular TV show
Prior to his death, the performer made a special appearance on the JTBC reality show “Night Goblin”. The episode, which also features fellow SHINee bandmate Minho, is expected to air on Christmas eve.
Starting today (Tuesday 19th December), fans are allowed to pay their respect to the late singer at Asan Medical Center Funeral Home.
Sources: Koreaboo (1)(2), AllKpop.
