Going through a break up is never easy. No matter how amicable you may think the break up was and regardless of how much of it was for the best, it still hurts. It’s not just about losing a person you loved; its also about losing all the hopes and dreams you had for one another and all the plans you might have made. And then you have days, weeks, months, years even to grieve and to let go of all the memories you made together. All you can do at this point is simply accept the fact that they’re no longer a part of your life and just try to move on and start over.
Now, after all those days of healing and all those nights of crying yourself to sleep, you get a notification. You check, and lo and behold, it’s your ex texting you after a long period of no contact. Of course they come back – they always come back. After you’ve made solid progress on your path to healing, they suddenly want to start over. But that’s what you’ve been hoping for, right? All you ever wanted was for them to come back… right?
Now that your wound has begun to heal, you find yourself at a crossroads, divided between the ache of the breakup, the sweet recollections from the past that you worked so hard to forget, and the hopeful future you once had and tried to erase from all your thoughts. So why the hesitation if this is all you ever wanted?
Because once you decide to take them back, you are well aware of your obligations. Getting back together with your ex on the off chance that things would be different this time around is essentially gambling with the remainder of your life and energy for who knows how long. It’s not something you can rush into, and it’s DEFINITELY not something you want to let your emotions take charge of.
Now is the time to use logic and reason; this is the time to choose strategically rather than according to how you are feeling in the moment. You must not allow your emotions to interfere, since they will only cloud your judgement. Consider what went wrong in the relationship and how it resulted in a breakup. Right now, you need to concentrate on the facts.
Was it due to underlying problems that cannot be changed? Or was it one of your faults, and as long as both of you are prepared to work on it, will everything be fine? To make things easier, here are some straightforward guidelines you can follow:
Don’t get back together if:
1. The core problems that led to the breakup cannot be changed.
2. You don’t truly have any feelings for them anymore, and you’re just confused by their sudden claims that they still love and care for you.
3. You both continue to hold each other responsible for what occurred and demand that the other party alter their behaviour in order for the relationship to succeed this time.
Get back together if:
1. You both understand that the breakup could have been easily avoided.
2. Your feelings for one another are still strong.
3. You are BOTH ready to put in the required effort and change for the better this time around.
Look, we know. It sounds like we’re just contradicting ourselves. Just read it again and really focus on how you’re feeling and pay attention to the current circumstances that are taking place in the present, and not what it was in the past. You need to pay close attention to the facts and the pros and cons. Weigh them carefully.
If you do go back, make sure there is respect and trust. Are or were they a true friend? Don’t let sex or attractiveness come into it; let’s face it, sex is easy to get. Consider what you and they both bring to the table and if you both actually benefit each other in terms of growth and progression.
Because the reality is, most individuals just miss the brief moments of bliss they experienced during a relationship, not the actual relationship or the person they were dating. But as they realise how content they are and how much more they’ve grown as a person after the break up, they understand that there is simply no good enough reason to go back.
You can ask your family of friends for advice, but at the end of the day, the final decision is ultimately yours to make. The ball is in your court and you are the only one who has the final say when it comes to whether or not you go back to your ex. Just be certain that you’re making the right decision for yourself and keep in mind how far you’ve come, WITHOUT them.
