According to TikTok, and most of our twenty-something peers, we are well and truly in the era of recognising the quarter-life crisis. The identity crisis may start in adolescence, but it doesn’t end there. You can continue to wrestle with existential questions like “who am I?” and “who do I want to be?” throughout young adulthood, between the ages of 25 to 33.
Now you might be thinking, 27 isn’t all that bad. You’re more mature than you were at 21, and you’re nowhere near 30 yet (which isn’t a bad thing, FYI). In a perfect world, you’d be right. Unfortunately, we live in a world warped by societal pressures, harsh realities, and the tendency to judge ourselves based on the accomplishments we see of others online.
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We’re taught from a young age that we have to have our entire lives mapped out by the time we pick our courses in secondary school. We’re ultimately forced to follow a career path that we’ll most likely stick with into university and our later lives – and carry on with for the rest of our lives.
Let’s be real here, the majority of us today grew up on movies and expectations from a different time, too. We’d then realise nobody had ever shown us what comes after the big graduation ceremony. Where does everybody go in a coming-of-age movie when the cameras cut?
What makes you feel this way?
There’s a common misconception that the 20s and early 30s are the most fun period of people’s lives, when they’re independent, don’t have too many obligations, and are typically in good health. However, even though these years can be exciting and adventurous, they are also a period of immense change and rapid uncertainty. And other than being able to go out and socialise, young adults also deal with:
- Making long-term personal decisions
- Experiencing financial difficulties while trying to become financially independent
- Having to work a job that isn’t inspiring or enjoyable
- The crushing pressure to pick the “perfect” path
- Needing to succeed in relationships, career, or finances before hitting 30
In fact, feeling this slump at this age seems to be the norm – at least if you ask the right psychological circles. These are the years filled with real or imaginary pressure that just comes with coming-of-age.
So, how do you try to overcome it?
If you feel that you’re beginning to buckle under the pressure of reaching your own expectations, or the expectations of others, here are a few helpful tips:
Stop comparing yourself to others
People on the internet share every personal highlight and seem to be living the “perfect” life, causing most of us to lose appreciation for all the positive things in our lives. But what you see on social media is a warped sense of reality. Few people post their bad days, struggles, and failures.
Instead, stop worrying about what others have or are doing. Easier said than done, of course, but try to take time off social media and cultivate appreciation for your own strengths and accomplishments.
Get professional help or share your feelings with your loved ones
The quarter-life crisis feels isolating, and while it’s sometimes challenging to talk about with others, seeking support and encouragement is important. Talk to the people you trust the most about how you are feeling.
Talking to a mental health professional can be helpful, too. A therapist can provide a non-judgmental, safe, and supportive space where you can talk about your challenges, gain new insights into your goals, and learn new coping strategies.
Set realistic goals
This is a dilemma that we 20-somethings know all too well: Choice overload. Apart from the fear of not hitting milestones, we grapple with too many options and too little time.
Manage your expectations and put those unrealistic ideas of how your life is “supposed to be” to bed. You shouldn’t give up on your dreams, but be fluid and adaptable in your pursuit of those dreams. Avoid thinking of your life like “I’m not where I’m supposed to be” and more like “I’m where I’m supposed to be right now.”
