Yes, I’m going there. I’m going to rank all 12 zodiac signs from best to worst, based on how I feel about them. Keyword: I. You don’t have to agree with me, it really isn’t that serious anyways. Most of this is satire and for s**ts and giggles – if you’re a good person, then you’re a good person, regardless of your zodiac sign!
Don’t take anything I say too seriously. Just enjoy and take it all with a grain of salt! Oh also, fun fact: every celebrity used is the sign I’m talking about!
1. Virgo
Might be a cliché coming from a Capricorn, but I just LOVE the Virgos! They’re mature, logical and do things right – like they say, “If you want something done, call anybody. But if you want it done right, call a Virgo.”
They’re logical, reliable, and don’t get caught up in unrealistic expectations or fantasies. Whenever I need advice, I have two friends that I always go to and they’re Virgos! They don’t try to justify anything I’ve done wrong; they just say it like it is, WITHOUT sugar coating anything. This is as a result of their efforts to learn from everyone and every circumstance life may present to them. They see every situation as a chance to learn and develop, and I truly admire that.
They admit when they don’t know something and won’t cover it up with a false sense of self; instead, they’ll be even more driven to increase their knowledge and pick up new skills.
2. Leo
Some people could accuse them of being conceited, but I believe they are simply confident in their talents, and there is nothing wrong with that. They are determined to achieve their goals in life and will stop at nothing to do so. As you get to know them and stop believing preconceptions, you’ll find that they’re actually very generous, down-to-earth and loyal.
They’re the type of friend who would spend HOURS with you and offer you all of their love, care, and attention because they genuinely like making other people feel valued and special. They’re supportive as hell and as much as they want to excel and shine, they also want the same for their loved ones – they’re like a proud parent whenever they see their people achieve and grow.
And since Leos genuinely don’t have time for that kind of crap, you’ll never have to worry about a Leo playing games. They will always follow through since they have a strong sense of integrity. With a Leo, you get exactly what you see, and if they care about you, they won’t let you down. They’re lions and will treat you like their cub if necessary.
3. Capricorn
I mean, if it wasn’t obvious from how I ranked Virgo and Leo, I prefer people who work hard, are dedicated, and have the drive to succeed, and that’s a Capricorn. Not to brag, but we are excellent at taking the initiative in many areas of our lives, including our jobs, relationships, and education.
Meeting those who share your interests is always refreshing, and that’s how I feel when I run into other Caps! They keep things genuine, are incredibly dependable, and are committed to their promises because they are pragmatic, driven, and truly can’t be bothered to entertain empty flattery. They are extremely intelligent and strong-willed, and they listen incredibly well no matter what you have to say.
Even though they might not be the most daring sign, they are effective soothers and tension-relievers. They are highly considerate, don’t take others for granted, and value the people they care about. As the masters of tough love, they genuinely care about you and just want the best for you, despite the fact that it may not seem that way.
Oh and we’re also very funny.
4. Taurus
Ah yes, Taurus, aka my platonic soulmates – could never date one of you though. You guys are the textbook definition of a good friend; reliable and loyal. They’re the type of friend you could call at 4am, while you’re blacked out drunk to come pick you up and bring you home.
Although, they can be stubborn sometimes (I am too), they’re a steady constant and people I know I can lean on when things get rough. It’s almost like a breath of fresh air when you have a Taurus to reassure you in certain situations because they are also very grounded and calm individuals, which really helps when you’re stuck in a frantic/chaotic situation.
They have remarkable self-control and have the ability to look at the bigger picture. Nonetheless, they are skilled at reading a room and are aware that the feelings that are present – whether positive or negative – might not be in their best interests. As a result, they frequently withdraw and “flake.”
5. Aquarius
I absolutely adore the fact that they are honest individuals. An Aquarius would be the first to be brutally honest with you, which also includes telling you the things you might not want to hear, because life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. But once you realise that everything is coming from a good place, you’ll see how much they really do care and how willing they are to assist those in need.
They are also incredibly interested and inquisitive, so rather than accepting everything at face value, they like to investigate and learn about things in much more depth. I enjoy learning about their perspectives on various situations since they are innovative, imaginative thinkers with huge aspirations.
They’re independent, so I never really feel overwhelmed whenever I get close to an Aquarius because they too value their own personal space and growth – which as a Capricorn, I appreciate greatly.
6. Sagittarius
See, if this ranking was done a year ago, Sagittarius would be at the bottom. HOWEVER, I’ve now grown to love their nonconformist selves. They’re incredibly witty, humorous and their storytelling ability is out of this world, making almost every conversation I’ve had with my Sag friends EXTREMELY entertaining.
But, that doesn’t change the fact that they lack patience and don’t know when to keep their mouths shut. They become preachy and impose all their opinions and theories when they think it’s a topic they know everything about when in actual fact they’re wrong and also like, who asked?
They tend to be obnoxiously optimistic about literally everything, which concerns me because it’s downright ridiculous to believe that you can find the good in everything and turn every negative into a positive. But if they’re not being overly optimistic, they’re making fun of any and every dire circumstance you could be in. No matter how depressing or contentious the topic, they always manage to transform it into a “funny issue” – which brings me back to point number two: doesn’t know how to keep their mouth shut.
7. Aries
To be honest, there isn’t much about them that I specifically despise, but that doesn’t mean that there is much about them that I also appreciate. In large groups, they are brave, sociable, and entertaining to be around, but that’s about it.
When it comes to achieving their goals, they are competitive and motivated, however most of the time it’s all talk and no action. They will talk about all they can do and essentially brag about themselves, but they never take any action.
Also, they are too concerned with what other people think and say about them. They enjoy compliments and seek approval; at times, it seems as though they are DEMANDING that others notice how they feel, what they say, and what they do. As a result, they become incredibly self-centered and are just unsuitable for long-term relationships.
8. Libra
Like Aries, there isn’t really anything terrible or wonderful about them, although I do have a few long-time Libra friends who I really value. They’re easy to talk to and become friends with. However, MOST Libras tend to be people-pleasers which then comes off as being two-faced.
This is because of their need to be liked by everyone, so they start to alter their behaviour in order to blend in with those around them. And of course, others will start to catch on and call them out for it, but nope!
Libras avoid confrontation like their lives depend on it. They would much rather just leave that friend group and join another one, which won’t be a problem because, again, they know what to say and how to act to get certain people to like them.
9. Gemini
Another sign which I have a hate-love relationship with. The ones I love (only 3) are the most gentle, affectionate and understanding people I know – the ones I don’t, however, are just two-faced, egotistical, superficial clowns to me. Actually, they’re not just clowns, they’re the entire circus.
They put themselves on a pedestal and assume they are experts when they actually simply know and perform the absolute minimum. They think they deserve to be treated like royalty after doing one good deed. But an even bigger issue is that the majority of them believe they don’t need to grow up or change since they already know everything and are infallible. So, they are simply trapped in the inert belief that “I am the best, everything I do is right, and only I know what is correct.”
Having said that, they eventually reveal a dark side and become the greatest gaslighting manipulators known to humankind. They will fully twist your words or use your own words against you – this is because they’re terrible listeners and chances are they weren’t really paying attention to anything you were saying, just some key points they can include to their “things I can bring up during the next argument” inventory.
10. Scorpio
Look, my best friend of 10+ years is a Scorpio, and I love her to death + trust her with all my deepest and darkest secrets. However, I cannot say the same about other Scorpios…
They’re extremely passionate individuals, I’ll give them that – but sometimes, it becomes overwhelming, suffocating even. They’re extremely intense and it’s almost like it’s all or nothing when it comes to them – they just lack a sense of balance.
But with such passion and intensity comes possessiveness and vindictiveness. They’re the type of people to make everyone turn against you if they don’t like you, because apparently saying things straight to your face and settling things personally isn’t in their books. And their possessiveness is not only over people, but material things as well, even hobbies! You can’t like what they like and you can’t do what they’re doing.
And God forbid you do better than them because then, they get jealous and blame everyone and everything around them instead of working on themselves to become better.
11. Pisces
Look, they’re very in touch with their emotions, making them extremely compassionate people, but holy f***k, they need to stop taking things so personally!
Pisces – if you’re reading this; NOT EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOU, YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM OF ANYTHING!! They think everyone is just working together to ensure their downfall when in reality, THEY ARE THE PROBLEM!
Also, they need to GROW THE F***K UP! They’re stuck in their little dream land, where they set unrealistic expectations for themselves, and then get depressed when they fall short. They’re so out-of-touch with reality to the point they fail to recognize their own true abilities, strength and talent, thus setting themselves up for failure.
It’s just a constant pity party with these Pisces!
12. Cancer
And finally, the cry babies of the bunch. You know what – take everything “bad” I said about Gemini, Scorpio and Pisces, mix them all together and you get Cancer. And don’t give me all that bs about them being “nurturing” or “natural caregivers”, they’re the type of parent you’d see in movies that would scold the s**t out of their kids and then say “you think I want to yell at you? It hurts me more than it does you” and then proceeds to love-bomb you as if nothing happened.
And as a sign that’s so capable of draining people both emotionally and mentally and then leaving them at their lowest, they really can’t take a joke. Make one joke about how they talk or laugh and watch them run away crying. It’s like they have no control over their emotions but still INSIST on acting off their feelings ALL THE TIME.
Actually, it doesn’t even have to be a joke, a teacher could give them some criticism and they won’t be able to handle it! Any type of remark that isn’t 100% positive and their day is ruined, self esteem plummets and they drown in a rabbit hole of depression. But of course, you have to be there to comfort and baby them when this happens, it’s them before ANYTHING.
Being around a Cancerian is like walking on eggshells – you just never know what might irritate them or make them sad today!
Well, that concludes the ranking of the zodiac signs from my perspective. Again, this is primarily satire and just for laughs. And if you don’t think you behave the way I described then GOOD!
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