With the number of increasing cars in Malaysia, there really is no escaping from heavy traffic. In fact, according to market researchers, Nielsen, Malaysia has the third highest rate of car ownership in the world. In cities like Penang and Kuala Lumpur, it is quite common for each household to have at least 2 to 3 cars.
Being stuck in traffic can be very stressful, no matter how much you love driving and having your very own carpool-karaoke sessions. As Malaysians, especially in KL, traffic jams have become a way of life – it’s simply a part of your daily routine.
Here are some things you can relate to if you have ever tried to survive a mind-numbing standstill traffic jam:
- Take selfies
Hair on point, make-up on point, and we all know that the morning sun provides the best lighting for selfies. So what better time to take that #nofilter shot for Instagram?
2. Selling your soul to Candy Crush
Honestly, what is more relaxing than matching sets of three candies or more in a board game on your phone? It’s the only reason we’re still sane in this crazy traffic and haven’t killed anybody.
3. Dwell on life failures & succumb to existentialism
Much like an insomniac that ponders on existentialism at 3am, spending a lot of time in traffic can do the same to you. What if the Earth was flat? What if I never broke up with that person, will we have 2 kids by now? Why am I even going to work everyday? Is this the real life, or is this just fantasy?
4. “Man, Waze is so stupid”
I swear Waze said I’ll be home in 16 minutes when I left the office. I followed all the rules and all the shortcuts, even went through all the housing areas and stuff. But somehow 16 minutes became 55 minutes – and I’m still here, very much stuck in traffic. Thank heavens for Spotify.
5. “Sure accident one”
If your usual route to work is smooth – but somehow plagued by heavy traffic, any Malaysian’s first response to the situation is that there must be an accident up ahead. And sure enough – there will be one.
Modus operandi: An accident happens, Malaysians pull a One Republic as they “stop and stare”, they try to take photos and that leads to another accident. You know the drill.
6. Count all the times you’ve been late to office & see if you can afford to be late JUST one more time
How many times has it been? 6? 7? 23? Who knows. Just wait for your warning letter.
7. “I should tweet this to #KLTU”
Because we Malaysians are a caring bunch. The moment you’re stuck in traffic, you update Waze to get your points, and then we take pictures and tweet about it so others can avoid the Danger Zones. But the truth is, there is no escape from the rush-hour jam.
8. You change lanes – or at least you try – because Malaysians
The lane next to you is moving faster, so you try to see if you can change lanes. You turn your signal on, inch closer to the lane, but the car next to you pretend they didn’t see a thing and cut you off – which leads to you going “!@@#@#$#$% DIDN’T YOU SEE MY SIGNAL, MORON?!?” If you do succeed in changing lanes, the lane you just left starts moving faster. So either way, you lose.
9. Maybe I could pick my nose & no one will notice
Legit seen this happen like a 100 times. Why would you think no one will notice what you do in standstill traffic?
10. Time for a ciggie break
Well if it stops you from honking like a maniac then sure.
11. You look at the other side of the road & envy the smooth traffic
Maybe I should work on the other side of town? How come I hardly ever see this side of the road jammed up? *sets reminder to look up JobStreet later*
12. Consider moving to Singapore – even though it means you have to start calling “roti canai” as “roti prata”
Or New York. Or Melbourne. Really just anywhere that we don’t have to deal with traffic and public transport is reliable.