The thing with names is that it’s something that we’re quite literally born with or suckered into without permission whatsoever. It happens to everyone and even to the best of us. Football players are no different. It’s especially tough when you’re a sportsperson of international fame because sports commentators, reporters, and journalists alike would often find themselves having to swallow chuckles and bite back giggles at the mention of silly names. For some of these footballers, they didn’t stand a chance.

Here are some of the world’s most unfortunate but also silliest names for some of the best football players on the field:

Stefan Kuntz
Stefan Kuntz

1. Stefan Kuntz was a prolific striker who played from 1980 to 1999. He had 25 caps for Germany and is now chairman of FC Kaiserslautern in Germany.

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2. Bernt Haas played for Sunderland and West Bromwich Albion, where he supposedly was famous for eating hot curries and burnt his..you know. Only kidding!

3. David Goodwillie is a young Scottish striker for Dundee United who has been involved with a few controversies in his short career so far. Hmm.

Nortei Nortey
Nortei Nortey

4. Nortei Nortey, pronounced as “naughty naughtay”, is a talented Ghanian defender, plagued by injuries that were part of the Chelsea Academy and is currently looking for a new club.

5. Danny Invincible was an Australian who played for Swindon and Kilmarnock where he single-handedly saved Swindon from relegation in 2001/02. Hence the name, duh.

6. Paul Dickov This 40-year-old Scottish striker played over 400 professional games for the likes of Arsenal, Leicester City, Blackburn Rovers, and Man City. He is now manager of Doncaster Rovers.

David Seaman
David Seaman

7. David Seaman is on this list because, well, it would be a travesty not to have one of England’s most legendary goalkeepers (and a fine ice skater too).

8. Fabian Assman is an Argentinian goalkeeper playing for Independiente in the Primera División in Argentina. A really good question for any goalkeeper is, “Do you prefer Seaman or Assman?”

9. Milan Fukal is a Czech defender once linked to Manchester City and Leeds. Unfortunately his career never really took off which makes his excellent name kind of no-pun-intended-but-really-check-out-the-pun-on-that-one.

Uwe Fuchs
Uwe Fuchs

10. Uwe Fuchs was a former Middlesbrough striker, helping them win promotion to the Premier League and obtaining cult status before he was brutally dropped despite scoring 9 goals in 13 games. Oh fudge for Fuchs.

11. Rod Fanni plays for Marseille in French Ligue 1 and has five caps for France. For some unknown, mysterious reason, his name makes us laugh the most.

12. Dean Windass was a talented sportsman and a Striker for Hull City, Bradford City, and several other clubs with 732 games and 234 goals. Pretty impressive so hold back your fart jokes!

Andrei Arshavin
Andrei Arshavin

13. Andrei Arshavin is a former Arsenal player and now at Zenit St Petersburg. The pint-sized player maker was renowned for being an ars..um, a difficult character.

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14. Argelico Fucks is now retired having played from 1992 to 2007 with 10 different teams across the world. You can imagine the field day journalists had every time he changed club.

15. When Charlton Athletic signed midfielder Anil Koc in January this year, the move prompted many a guffaw.

Don’t forget to check out the strangest football rituals here before you gear yourselves up for the FIFA World Cup 2014 with our simplified guide here.

Sources: 1, 2.

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Lainey
Eats, sleeps, & breathes music, but drinks mostly coffee & okay, some wine - sometimes, a little too much. A little too obsessed with the number seven, is deathly afraid of horror movies, believes that she writes better than she speaks, & currently feeling a little strange writing a profile about herself.