Yesterday, in an episode of VH1’s “Behind The Music”, Hawaii native and Pussycat Dolls lead revealed all there is to know about life as a Pussycat Doll and..herself.

To us, she’s the gorgeous Pussycat Dolls leader who left tongues wagging and boys lusting when the group first charged into the mainstream music industry with their debut in 2003. Since then, the girls have had multi-platinum success and had the world singing along to all their hits, namely “Don’t Cha” and “Buttons”:

They were burning hot and topping charts globally.

But beneath the sexy leather costumes, short-barely-there-shorts, lingerie, and gyrating moves, lies a terribly unhappy woman who harbored a lot self-loathing and insecurities.

Source: MAXIM

And now, for the first time ever, the sexy singer and former “X Factor” judge Nicole Scherzinger opens up about being bulimic for eight years.

Eight whole years!

“I really was so disgusted with myself. I just hated myself. I was in a group but I never felt so alone in my life. I never did drugs, but hurting myself was my addiction. The music is what saved me. That’s the only thing I can trust.”, she said in a tearful and painful confession.

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Nicole said that after the emotional high from performing with the Pussycat Dolls during their heydays, she’d come crashing down – with disastrous results.

“I’d come back to my room and I’d be alone, so I would just do things. My bulimia was my addiction. I never spoke about it. Like I said, I never want to play a victim and I never wanted my family to hear about the things from me because I think it would break their heart, you know?”, she added.

Source: witchesbrewonline.com
Source: Blender

On top of that, the 34-year-old also admitted that she was the voice of the Pussycat Dolls – as in, both the lead and the backup. She claims:

I love those girls. They’re like my sisters, but people don’t even know the story. They have no idea. I was in the center because I was the one singing. Oh man, I hope I don’t get in trouble for the stuff that I say. I’ll never forget that after I finished the album ‘PCD,’ and Ron (president of A&M Records at the time) and I brought the girls into the studio and played it for them. And this was the first time they had heard the music. Do you understand what I’m saying? We played the album for the Pussycat Dolls. It was the first time they had heard the songs. I probably did 95% of the album on my own.

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Source: hotflick.net

Thankfully, it was her relationship with Formula 1 race car driver Lewis Hamilton that saved her life. Love marked a personal milestone for her and it helped her overcome her struggles with herself. We’re glad!

Watch the full episode of VH1’s “Behind The Music” here.